Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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