so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
