my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize