Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
