Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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