Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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