Will you blow on my dice?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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