Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize