Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I touched a dick in church today
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
