if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i came on her dog
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
