you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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