Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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