You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
