Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
