I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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