I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
