I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
we're so committed to being not committed
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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