I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well I just put wine in my tea
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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