Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
