Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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