i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
