2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
