shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
