Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
