I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
thus making me awesome and them whores
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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