I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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