Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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