it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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