she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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