I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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