You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
