I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
