Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
