She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
