Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
