She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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