I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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