Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
