You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
