dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
