yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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