I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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