im drinking this country out of the recession.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
do nipples grow back?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize