Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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