as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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