She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Someone signed my nipple.
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