dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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