pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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