To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
