i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
