Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
