Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Found your dick twin last night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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