I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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