i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
