Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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