I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
