I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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