sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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