I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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