ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize