a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
