I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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