The maid of honor just puked.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
