Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
